Inner Turmoil
by Rhaya
Summary: This is an Alternative Ending to Revenge of the Sith. It depicts the question...what if ObiWan had lost the battle on Mustafah? What would have happened if Anakin had proven why he was indeed...the chosen one?
1. Chapter 1

As I stood there watching your body helplessly sink into oblivion, I was overcome by memories.  
Memories of you, guiding me, teaching me. Molding me into your ideals of what a man should be, and what a Jedi must be. I tried to push those memories aside and feel nothing, as a true Sith would. But it was a futile effort. The memories and realization clung to me and provided no reprieve. I had thought I was doing what was just, what was deserved as I plunged you into scorching damnation. But a million thoughts seemed to come at me from all sides. You had been my Master, my mentor, my friend...and in a way, my father.

But when I saw you step out of my wifes ship, pain, jealousy and rage drifted into my soul and took root there, breeding hatred ...and a lust for revenge. She tried to pretend she didn't know you were there, but I knew better. Always I could read her expressions like a datacard. She was relieved when you stepped off the ship and came to her aid! As I released the Force choke I had on her, shock and horror crept into my soul. She gasped for breath and screamed your name! Your name! My beautiful wife was calling for another man. I hadn't meant to hurt her, I never would!

But you have convinced her otherwise. You have made her afraid of me. My precious wife now cowers in terror from the one man who has loved her more than life. And it is all because of you! But why? Why would the one man I had trusted, other than Master Sidious, who I now had allegiance with, turn on me, and take my wife with him? I reasoned. Had I fell so far as to believe that you are capable of such monstrousities against me? My thoughts played back and forth, the Jedi in me fighting to emerge and rescue his floundering Master, the Sith in me controlled by jealousy and vengiance watching you burn and taking pride that I had brought down the great Obi-Wan. The Sith was laughing inside, watching you suffer, as I had suffered at your hand. Although my pain was not physical but emotional, but to a Sith, that is far worse. The Sith told me to walk away, and let you die, let you suffer according to your actions. You had taken my wife from me, taken all chance I had to be granted the rank of Master. What had you told them of me? You must have poisoned them against me! Why else would I be denied to be Master? I had trained well, I had served well as apprentice. I did my time, now all I wanted was what was due me. But you wouldn't allow it.

A small part left of the Jedi within me spoke up, trying to reason with the anger and hatred pounding inside my skull, it told me that I had not earned your trust, that I hadn't tried hard enough to prove myself, to you or the council. I had been obstinent with you. And an apprentic should be meek, obediant, and allow his Master to guide him. I had not listened to you on countless occasions, some of which had cost both you and I dearly. When you told me to veer left, I would go right just to spite you. This is unacceptable behavior of a Jedi apprentice. I had been jealous, of the respect granted you by the council, of the way you could always be right in their eyes, even when I knew you were wrong! I had never afforded you the respect a Master warrents. Was it my fault for simply being selfish? Was I blind to the goodness in all Jedi, the way Padme had said? Or was it the Councils fault for failing to show me the respect I deserved? 


	2. Chapter 2

You put me in my place publicly on more than one occasion, treated me like a child that had to be restrained! Like I was your footstool, only put in the galaxy to do your bidding. But why then, did I have an uncontrollable urge to cry out, while I watched you drown in a fiery grave? My mind buzzed like a light sabre having been ignited. So many thoughts pounding my brain all at once. Quickly they turned to my Angel, what she would want. The Jedi in me realized, She would hate me always if I allowed you to die. I would lose her, and my child. No! cried the Sith, you are more powerful now than any distance she can put between you. You can easily track her, wherever she would run to. And take your child by any means neccessary. Even if that means...

NO! The Jedi, the husband that had loved her screamed in a voice that shook my very core. Never would I allow any harm to come to her! She is the reason I have done everything I have. The one thing keeping me anchored to my very soul. I could not have given my soul to the Sithlord, for she possesed it long ago. I had given it to her when I was just a child. A simple slave boy of Tatooine who had fallen, the moment I saw her, into a pure, selfless kind of love that transcended any powers that I could gain by giving her up. I must stop this madness before it is too late for redemption. I must cling to the fabric of my being, whatever shreds are left, and help my Master. For her sake. For the sake of my soul which she now posessed and would bestow back to me if I wished it. I did wish it! I wished it more than any ammount of power the Sith could grant me. If giving up this power was the only way I could keep her love, so be it.

iYou are a FOOL./i The Sith stated simply.  
Then I will go to my grave a fool, the Jedi replied, but a fool with a soul. .

With that thought I raced to the edge of the embankment, looked quickly out, and saw that Master Obi-Wans hand was all that remained pertruding from the boiling pit. Maybe I was already too late. Perhaps he was already gone. But I felt the Force pull me closer to the embankment, and saw his hand moving slightly, still reaching for something, anything, to grasp and pull himself up out of the pit. I used the Force to raise him out of the pit, and place him on the ground next to me. I used my comm device to call for help, giving our coordinants in a strangled voice.

Words had never failed to come to me, but now as I sat with him, waiting for help to arrive, I could not speak. It was not for naught of things to say, it was of having too much to say and not knowing if he could hear me. Or where to begin. I took his hand in mine and begged the Force to spare him. If one of us deserved to die this day it was me, I had nothing left, was nothing worth being spared. And yet I had been. Their had to be a purpose for it. But I wouldn't know what that purpose was for quite some time. His body was merely a scorched lump of flesh, barely recognizable as human, if not for those eyes. They stared at me in disbelief as I clung to him. I held his broken body to me, and stroked his brow, muttering my apologies. Tears coursed down my cheeks and fell onto his charred tunic as I tried desperately to comfort him untill help arrived. I promised then that I would help him get to a medical facility, I told him that I was still the man he knew I could be and that I was not unredeemable! I told him I loved him as a father and watched as a small smile reached over his face. A blackened hand reached up, and stroked my cheek. I read forgivness in those eyes, dark as night, but somehow, even now they shone with love and devotion as he looked at me. He couldn't speak, but he didn't need to. His eyes conveyed what no words could have. The only other person that had brought out the torrent of emotions I had coursing through me at that moment, had been Padme. 


	3. Chapter 3

When I limped back with Master Obi-Wans medic squad to the center, I was told that even though Master Obi-Wan was badly burned, he would survive. He had an inner strength that, as long as it held out, would see him through. My lungs ached for the air that had been denied them since I entered the medi center, relief washed over me in waves as I noted that if the only factor in whether he would survive or not was his will, he would surely survive. He was too stubborn not to.  
------------------------------

They told me he would be unable to breathe on his own, he would need a respirator for the rest of his life. And few of his organs would function normally without constant supervision and maintenance. His flesh had been so badly seered by the lava, that it was coming off of his bones in sheets. In order to preserve it, he would have to be bathed in tepid water once every day for a short time to make it more elastic and to relieve the pain. He would live, but he would not live the life he was accustomed to. I asked to see him, but the nurse droid told me he was being fitted for a special suit that was at the moment experimental, but served as an iron lung. I nodded and she went to attend to him. I sat with my head in my hands and softly wept to myself. I had done this to him. I alone was responsible for what my friends life would inevitably become. He had never been anything but kind to me, but I was too blind to see that. I had wanted absolute power, and might have killed my only friend to gain it. I wept not only for him, I wept for everyone that had ever met and loved or respected this man, his pupils, friends, and family. I also wept for those who had trusted me, the Jedi council, although they had only trusted me to a degree, and only because of what Obi-Wan had said to convince them. But still they had afforded me with enough confidence to accept me into the Jedi academy, even though their were some doubts. I can still remember Master Yoda, looking at me so scrutinizingly, and yet they allowed me to train under Obi-Wan who took full responsibility, just to fulfill my dreams of becoming a Jedi.

And when I allowed myself to think of the most important person who I had hurt,  
I wept the most for her...

She had trusted me with everything in her, she had given so much of herself to be with me. Our relationship and marriage had been a secret, but if ever found out she could have lost her seat in the Senate and her chance to help her home planet. Yet she risked it. She had trusted me to help her and I had not only failed, but managed to quell many of her efforts with the missions I had been sent on be Palpetine. He had not only turned me into his servant, but he had made me go against the very thing my wife and the Jedi were fighting to preserve. But I would no longer be the one to ruin Padmes life, or stand in her way. Even if she hated me now. Even if she never wished to see me again. Oh Force, please no. I could take anything but that. I could take her yelling at me, screaming, cursing my name if it meant her happiness. But silence? That I could not bear.

And as though my thoughts were seen and answered by the Force itself suddenly I saw her standing there, a vision of wonder. I couldn't see her face, but I recognized the dress she was wearing to be the one she had wore when she got off the ship and ran to me, just before we had had our disagreement...just before I... I swallowed hard, not knowing if I should go to her or if she would run if I made a move toward her. I had done an unspeakable thing to her the last we had seen one another. When she saw me, I swore under my breath as I realized her face was a mask of terror. 


	4. Chapter 4

She was slowly backing away and reaching for one of her handmaidens, which I thought odd, as she's never liked the idea of using them as human shields, although their was no need for her to shield herself from me now. All I wished was to make an apology, for whatever it was worth, for the hell I had brought upon her. The handmaiden turned to her, and Padme said something in her ear. The maiden looked up, and suddenly she was rushing towards me. What was the meaning behind this? Did Padme ask her servant to tell me she did not wish to speak to me? Was I not even worthy of her acknowledgnemt now, that she simply sent a messanger to me in her stead? I clenched my hands in anger and was about to storm out when I heard her voice. "Ani!" I turned and waited, expecting to see the figure in the blue gown coming toward me, but still saw only the handmaiden. Then the voice called to me again, "Ani, please wait!" and with a start I saw her face coming in clearer as she made her way to me. The face I had loved since I was a child came fully into focus when she stood a few feet from me.  
-  
She stopped there, seemingly unsure of how I would acknowledge her. If it was safe to approach me. I smiled at her. "My angel," I said softly, and she ran to me, throwing herself into my waiting embrace. I clung to her as though she were a raft in a sea of the nothingness my life had become since we'd last parted. "Ani, what's going on, they said Obi-Wan was injured. Is he alright?" I lifted my head to meet her penetrating gaze and sadly shook my head as the tears began to pour anew, "No my love, he isn't." She began to weep softly, I pulled her closer to me and wept with her, for the sheer torment of knowing I had done this to us all.

As I explained it all to her, her eyes filled with abject horrer. I wept openly as I told her, I was in fact responsible for our dear friends condition. I waited for her to berate me, to curse me for what I had done, for I fully expected that she would hate me once she knew. But it didn't come.

She gazed at me with compassion, with sadness, and, dare I imagine it, was their still...love, behind those eyes? Love for me? Who had been a terrible husband, unworthy of her grace and beauty, unworthy of even her acknowledgment. I didn't deserve a friend like my Padme, much less a wife. The dam that had held my emotions in control, now broke. I cried a river of hot remorseful tears as she clung to me, enfolding me into the sweetness that was her warmth. My body was wracked with sobs as my mind completely comprehended what had happened. I had betrayed the only two people who had loved me, since my mother had died.

And in a way, had even betrayed my mother. She had wanted me to become a Jedi, had wished it as she lay there breathing her last breathe. And I had made promises to her, and broken them all one by one, convincing myself it didn't really matter, now that she was dead she'd never know. But as I thought of her, I could feel a pull in the Force, telling me she was weeping for me now.

"Anakin Skywalker?" A nurse droid behind me inquired, I released Padme and turned to it, trying to clear my mind and be strong now for Obi-Wan. "Yes?" The Droid came up to us and said, in a female voice not too unlike Padmes, "The patient you brought in would like to see you, but we request that you only stay for a short while."

My heart lurched. My stomach tied itself in a million knots as I swallowed nervously, swinging my eyes to glance at my wife. She had turned a slight bit whiter than normal at the droids request, but squeezed my hand encouragingly. "It's alright, Ani, he still loves you, I know he does. Everything will be okay. I'll be here waiting for you when you're finished."

I took several deep breathes and centered myself before beginning my journey down the long narrow hallway. 


	5. Chapter 5

As I made my way to the tented area where Obi-Wan was lying, surrounded by an army of nurse droids and docters, I swallowed a nervous lump in my throat. What if he was delirious when I pulled him out of that pit, and now wanted to tell me what a worthless person I was, what an animal I had become? Would Lord Vader stand there and be berated, chastised like a child? Would any true Sith or Jedi allow themselves to be treated like a mere...slave? I loathe to use the word, but in this case it is fitting. No, I replied inwardly, but you are no longer Lord Vader. You are Anakin Skywalker, former Jedi Padawan. Former Sithlord. And former Slave. Now simply a free man, being sent before a TRUE jedi. And whatever he has to say to you, you deserve!

I slowly walked up to the tented area. The droids and doctors giving me wary glances before scurrying off to feign doing some other duty. But a few remained close by. Close enough to be able to reach out and stop me if I moved to touch him in any way, which I did not. I didn't deserve their trust, so I said nothing about their lurking. Instead I spoke softly to Obi-Wan, although for the Force in me I knew not what to say. But I found once I opened my mouth, both words and tears flowed easilly from me pouring out in a tidal wave of pure raw emotion.

"Master..." I choked out, still addressing him with the respect due him, respect I had given grudgingly before and now bestowed willingly. I watched as his eyes searched for me for a moment until they rested on my face. They took on an expression of peace, although I knew he must have been in terrible agony. One scorched hand reached out to me, grasping my own shaking one. "Master, I..,I'm so-...I..." I faltered, knowing an apology meant nothing now, the damage had been done. His expression did not change but seemed to deepen as I watched so much love bring light into them that my knees suddenly found difficulty in holding up the weight of my body.

Suddenly I heard a voice, that I recognized to be his voice, but his mouth wasn't moving, it couldn't move. Indeed, his lips were so blistered I wondered why he wasn't screaming incoherantly from the pain. "I always knew you had it in you, Anakin." The voice said, in a satisfied manner that I almost thought sounded like pride. But how could that be? Why would he feel anything but loathing for me now? " Ani, I always loved you, you were the only son I ever had. You may not have been borne of my flesh, but the Force has decided that our paths were destined to cross, you were destined to be my padawan. And you have been trained well. Your light sabor skills are magnificent." My stomach lurched when I thought of how well he now knew my light sabor skills.

"Master," I began, "What is your wish of me? I will do anything you ask of me. I will go to the council and tell them what has happened, and where you are. I will confess everything and take my punishments like a man, I-" He held up his hand again, cutting off my words. "You will go to the council, and tell them theirs been a terrible accident. I have fallen into the lava pit and been rescued by the medi squad, and am in the center recovering. You do not know how it happened. You were here on business for the Chancellor, and got a call on your comm, that I had been in some sort of trouble. And you came to me here. That is all you will tell them, my friend. Do you understand?" 


	6. Chapter 6

I'm sure Obi-Wan could read the shock and confusion in my eyes and my mind through the Force, for even injured as he was, he obviously still had a kinship with the Force that I could have never understood. His mouth moved slightly, but the pain was too great for him to stretch his lips, or I think he would have smiled. "Anakin, I have failed you in the past, leaving you open to the Dark forces of Sidious was my mistake and cost us both dearly, but I will not allow it to happen again. I won't allow you to have the repercussions of the past events put on your shoulders. I, of course, will not be able to convince the Jedi to take you back into the academy, but I can convince them to afford you leniancy...but you will have to go into exile..the planet Dagoba is remote, you will not be recognized.I will discuss the matter with Master Yoda as soon as I'm able to."

His tone, even in thought, left little room for argument, added to the fact that at the very least, I owed him my obediance now. I simply nodded. I was numb, their was nothing left for me here anyway, Padme was gone, my chances of becoming Jedi, vanished, the trust afforded me by the counvcil...I had made sure that was destroyed as well. The only reason I had left was right in front of me, and obviously he wanted me to go. So there it was.

"I'm not getting rid of you, my former Padawan, I simply want to keep you alive, if the republic get hold of you after the things you've...well, you know, I'm afraid you would not last long. And the same can be said of the Empire, now that you've defected. I wouldn't doubt if Sidious has someone looking for you, he can feel the balance has shifted in the Force and he may sense it concerns you. Which would send him into a panic, making him stop at nothing to uncover your whereabouts. The further away you are at the moment the better, my young friend." Just as I was about to argue, the nurse droid came up behind me and signaled it was time to let him rest.

I turned to say goodbye, and he lifted his hand to me as a gesture of love. He was asking for my compliance with his wishes, as well as making an effort to say goodbye, in the only way he could.

Deep down I knew he was right, as he always was. I wanted to stay with him, to help him recover, perhaps partly to ease the burdon of my guilt, but it was unwise. I didn't want to take that hand, because I knew it was the same as giving in. It meant I would run away with my tail between my legs like some kind of wounded pet. I would appear even more weak and cowardly to anyone who knew me. But it was what he wanted. It was the one thing he was asking of me. He was only thinking of my safety, when just hours ago, I had no regard for his. I would not deny him a second time. I would wrap the memories I had of when we had been a team, along with my memories of Padme, around me like a blanket. And I would take them with me for the rest of my life, wherever I went. I He was still my Master, if by nobody elses definition but my own. I would fulfill the request of my Master.

And accept the hand he was offering me. 


	7. Chapter 7

An image of the tiny Jedi Master appeared and greeted me with kind eyes, eyes that had seen much in the last month to make him distrust me still.

But they betrayed no note of bitterness, only curiosity when he regarded me and said, "Greetings Skywalker, Your wife is well, I trust?" I nodded and smiled, "Yes Master, she is. We are both fine now that we have found each other again."

His eyes gazed into mine, and I saw all at once the wisdom that dwelled there, born of centuries of experiances the I could only imagine.

What must it be like to live so long? I wondered. To see so many things, so many monumental events, and have such an impact on shaping the gallexy into what it was, for he had truelly been one of the monumental factors in keeping the Jedi Order alive for so long. It was a wonder to me why he did not hate me for working to destroy what it had taken centuries to build.

But as he stood there, I did not feel this wise ancient had it in him to hate any being. Only the Darkness itself. He didn't even hate Dooku, or Darth Sidious, he merely hated what they represented, and were trying to do.

I swallowed nervously and raked my fingers through my hair, my hands were shaking slightly from the nerve of what I was about to do. But I summoned the picture of Padmes face, when she had looked at me, her cheeks streaming with tears while her tiny body shook with unbridled sobs.  
That was all it took to steel my resolve and tell me that what I was doing was far more important than my foolish pride and wish to be noble. I glanced down at the floor once more and then raised my eyes to humbly meet his stare, as he waited patiently for me to form my thoughts into words.

"Master I don't wish to be a burdon upon you, or the council in any way." I began, "After my actions, I feel my right to request such things as this on behalf of myself is unquestionably inappropriate.

However it is not me I make the request for. My wife is distraught over my decision to turn myself in to the republic, and Obi-Wan as well has made me promise to him that I will take Padme and my children and go into hiding to ensure my own safety. While I wish to make them both happy, and of course, wish to live as well, I can not stop the torrent of conviction in my own mind saying that atonement for my actions must be made.

I can not in good conscience simply forget my crimes and run away like a coward. But I have made promises to those I love. I am torn in two, I don't know what to do. Can you give me any guidence on this matter, Master?"

When I stopped speaking and noticed him still in the same position, never moving, with his eyes now closed, his ears twitching slightly every so often, I almost assumed that he'd fallen asleep. I was about to clear my throat quietly in an effort to wake him, but he opened his eyes and they pierced through me like a blaster. I could feel him in my mind, searching, it felt like tiny fingers rubbing the folds and curves inside my mind probing gently for any signs of dishonesty or evil still left in me. I simply allowed him to explore my inner world as thouroughly as he wished, offering no resistance. When he was satisfied, I felt the tiny fingers slip away leaving my innermost thoughts once again in solitude. He peered up at me as he nodded, then spoke.

"You would be wise, Young Skywalker, to listen to your wife on matters such as these. Nothing to gain by your death, the gallexy has. Your thoughts of revenge, gone they are. Your fear, at rest now is. A threat, you are no longer. Bring strength to the new republic and be of great help to the Jedi, you must, if you wish to regain your honor. Which, read in your mind, I did. Wish to become Jedi Master, you still do. Eh?"

I blushed. Perhaps I should not have opened my thoughts to him so willingly. I knew I could never gain the rank of Master now. Not with every Imperial AND Jedi in the universe having had me on their hit list. I was merely a fugitive of justice. Not a Jedi, no longer a Sith. Simply a criminal on the run who had a family to look after. I could only hope the council would accept my apologies and be willing to forgive as easilly as my wife and friend did. But Yoda seemed to already have forgiven me as well, so perhaps that was a step in the right direction. 


End file.
